The Heart of Christmas
by kryptoniansky
Summary: Deeks felt he'd never found a place where he was truly welcome, or belonged - not while growing up, not as a lawyer, and not at the LAPD. He wasn't even welcome at NCIS at first. Until one Christmas night, Kensi has something to say...


**Author's Notes:** I really wanted to write a Densi Christmas fic, so here it is! I had hoped to have it up earlier, but hit a few bumps in writing when it suddenly went in a different direction than I'd planned. A HUGE thanks to G for her support and not letting me give up on this fic when it refused to co-operate. Also, I want to wish a Merry Christmas to everyone who celebrates, and if you don't - well, have a lovely day regardless! _This fic contains some re-worded references to the "Twas the Night Before Christmas" poem, which I do not own. _Enjoy!

* * *

It was Christmas Eve, as Deeks stepped inside the darkened room.

He exhaled a breath, and leaned his back against the door to close it. He didn't flip a switch, preferring the shadowed state of the room, and merely hung his head for a moment. Deeks locked the door, then wandered to the couch. Monty's cold nose nudged him, startling Deeks from his thoughts, as the dog jumped to sit beside him and rested his head against his master's knee.

It was the night before Christmas, yet all through the room it was quiet. Not the lack of stirred sound coming from nowhere, not even a mouse, but rather the uncomfortable coldness of a non-festive atmosphere filled with disappointment and loneliness.

It wasn't very late at night, though Deeks felt unnaturally tired.

An hour ago, he'd been smiling and laughing as he raised his glass of eggnog with his team during their little post-case Christmas Eve party. He'd kept up the appearance of humour and silliness, until everyone at the Mission were preparing to leave. They'd all had somewhere to go, where they would be welcome and invited. For all his joyous display, Deeks had felt far less cheerful inside. They'd all had somewhere to be afterwards – a home waiting for them, surrounded by smiles and a warmth he'd never truly felt.

They were all at those places now – where they belonged, and he didn't.

Deeks closed his eyes. He pressed his back against the couch to think about the moment shortly before he'd left he Mission - when the sounds of Eric's laughter, the bickering of Sam and Callen, and the Merry tunes had faded away.

"_Cherry for your thoughts?" _Kensi had joined his side in the bullpen where Deeks had gradually made his way to, further distancing himself from the group nearby. Kensi wore a somewhat proud smile on her face, as she joked, and waved a cherry in his face.

Deeks, despite himself, had snorted at her attempt to be funny.

Kensi had likely noticed his dip in mood since Nell commented on the time and how she had to leave early to see her parents. Then Sam glanced at his watch, saying he wanted to be home in time to tuck the kids into bed and finish preparing the presents. Callen was joining Sam, of course – he was an unofficial Hanna, it seemed. Kensi mentioned her mother, but by then Deeks hadn't been listening anymore as he took the final retreating step into the bullpen.

They all had somewhere to go – except him.

"_Really?"_ Deeks rolled his eyes at his partner. _"That's the best you could do? Of all the potential Christmas jokes available in this moment, that's what you're going with?"_

"_Yeah."_ Kensi crinkled her nose, her expression a mixture of stubbornness and an amused wince; it was portrayed in a way only Kensi could, and Deeks though it was adorable. "_You didn't answer."_

"_I don't want a cherry." _Deeks shrugged lightly, and sipped the last of his drink to delay his reply. _"I guess we should get going, though."_ He said, albeit flatly, and glanced away.

Monty whined, reminding Deeks of where he was. He pulled himself away from the memories, and looked over at the silhouette of his dog. Deeks rubbed Monty's coat, mesmerised by the presence of the only company he had for what was supposed to be a time of bonding and celebration.

Christmas was fun, he knew. Deeks always loved Christmas - even if he'd rarely experienced much of its normalcy and warmth, yet this year something was different.

Something wasn't the same as it was before.

He'd been doing a lot of thinking in the days leading up to Christmas Eve, and came to realise things Deeks now wanted to forget. Things he could not ignore – like how he had nowhere to go, no one waiting at home for him, and no one to wake up beside in the morning. It wasn't the loneliness, as he did have Monty, but rather the cold acceptance of never being welcomed somewhere. No one asked him over to their house like a member of the family, or even into their lives for more than a short and fleeting moment.

His father had resented Deeks' very existence every day of his childhood. As a lawyer Deeks was damn good at his job, but stepped on a lot of toes in his climb to be the best he could and help as many people as possible - after that, the LAPD just made the lawyer thing look like a gentle breeze. The closest he'd had to a place to belong was when he'd joined NCIS as a liaison. Deeks knew he was a member of the team, in his own way, and they were his friends, but he couldn't overlook the way it hadn't started as that.

It had taken years.

He'd never been welcomed there either, not initially. Maybe Deeks found a family in the OSP team, and perhaps NCIS was where he belonged, but Deeks could not deny the icy lack of welcome he'd received from the moment he'd walked through those doors for the first time to take his place at the desk that was his during his prolonged stay.

Deeks wanted, just once, for someone to invite him into their lives or arms – to welcome him, and not because they'd gotten used to him or decided he was worth putting up with.

When he'd left the Mission earlier - Kensi had studiously watched him, though she'd remained rather quiet. They'd grabbed their jackets, given everyone a round of cheerful hugs, then left. Outside felt cold in a way unrelated to weather, and caused a shiver to course its way through Deeks. He'd avoided looking at Kensi, until they'd reached their nearby cars and he knew it would be rude not to give her some sort of holiday well-wishing.

He'd turned carefully towards her, knowing she already saw too much when he wasn't having a bad day, and didn't want to bring down the Christmas spirit Kensi had partially guarded with a simmer of hope she hadn't experienced previous years. Perhaps she had been like him, once. Deeks was sure of it, actually; though she wasn't anymore. Now they no longer had the one thing in common that would have enabled him to talk to her about his mood, but he couldn't – not tonight.

She'd sounded worried when she spoke his name. Deeks put in effort to convince Kensi he was fine, but his words had sounded exactly like the lies they were. It was the sort of lie she usually told him, even in full knowledge he too would see through it as easily as she had seen through his tonight. He couldn't discuss it, though, because she had her mother to see and spend time with. Kensi had Christmas to enjoy, and Deeks wasn't going to take that away from her by sulking.

She was stubborn, though.

Deeks smiled in the memory of her diligent stance and firm expression, as she'd continued to push for details. Deeks had been stronger, this time. He'd shaken his head, continued to insist what they both knew wasn't true, and tried to tell her how meaningless it all was. Dismissing another round of her concerns, Deeks had gotten into his car and wound the window down. Placing a solid space between them enabled him to feel he had a shield against her saddened eyes.

Kensi had approached the car, looked at him through the open window, and sighed. Her dark mismatched eyes bore into his blue ones, searching for the falsehood she knew was hidden within, but Deeks was able to give her a genuine smile to throw her off a bit.

"_You good?" _She asked him, her eyebrows still frowned with uncertainty.

"_I'm good." _Deeks nodded. _"I'm good if you're good."_

"_Well, I'm not good." _Kensi stated, confusing him.

"_What?" _Deeks matched her look. _"Why?" _

Internally he'd wondered what he had done wrong to somehow manage to mess up the moment - even without telling her what was bothering him.

"_Deeks." _Kensi gripped the edge of the open window.

He glanced upwards at her with a perplexed expression, though she hesitated before speaking again.

"_I'm good if you're good."_ Kensi directed back at him. _"And you're not good."_

"_Kens-"_

"_No, Deeks, don't." _She'd furiously interrupted. _"Don't lie to me, please. I am not letting you drive off until you 'fess up, Partner."_

A small smile parted his lips, as Deeks snapped his mind away from the past and rose from the couch. Wandering blindly through the darkened room to the kitchen, he winced as the glow of the opened fridge momentarily blinded him.

He had driven off, without giving Kensi the answers she'd wanted.

Deeks had put on a forced smile he knew wouldn't reach his eyes, and told Kensi to enjoy her Christmas. He'd asked her to wish her mother a Merry Christmas for him, and joked about being on her best behaviour for Santa - if it wasn't already too late to remove herself from the naughty list. Soon after, he had driven away and gone to his place where Monty awaited him. He'd left it all behind, to the one place he had to go on Christmas Eve night. There was nothing special for him there, nor was any of it festive. One couldn't even tell Christmas was upon them from the everyday appearance of his living room, which Deeks had just basked in light by finally flipping the switch.

The moment the light flooded the space of the room around him, his phone buzzed. Deeks glanced at it, frowning at who would possibly call him when everyone he knew was busy celebrating with warmth and welcome. He approached the coffee table, where he had dropped his phone upon arrival and lifted it to see who was calling. Deeks inhaled a long breath when he saw Kensi's name on the screen.

His finger hovered over the "decline" option, unsure.

He took too long to decide, and the call ended. A few seconds later, Deeks received a text from her demanding him to answer his phone. Threats of showing up at his door followed, and Deeks knew he had little choice other than comply – he didn't want to pull her from her celebrations just so she could check up on him.

When the phone buzzed again, Deeks exhaled a breath of dread and accepted the call. He didn't bother trying to sound cheerful, as it felt to take too much of his drained effort.

'Yeah?'

'Deeks?' Kensi sounded surprised. 'Did you go home?'

'Where else could I go?' Deeks dropped onto the couch again, stroking Monty's ears.

'Here.'

Her voice was vulnerable and quiet. For a moment, Deeks wasn't sure if he'd really heard it or he'd imagined the entirety of the budding conversation.

'What?' Deeks hadn't expected that, and wasn't sure how to handle it. 'But, your mother-'

'I'm not at Mom's. I'm going to see her tomorrow, not tonight.' Kensi told him. 'Deeks, I hoped – I mean, you left before I could...'

'What?' Deeks repeated, his breath hitching with disbelief and a spark of hope. He tried to crush it down, reminding himself it couldn't possibly be true, as no one ever truly wanted him with them for a special occasion.

She was probably pitying him, or felt obligated.

'It's Christmas Eve, Deeks.' Kensi said slowly. 'I thought we could – if you wanted to – watch some TV, drink beer, and eat ice cream? I didn't know if you had plans, but-'

'I don't.' Deeks said quickly, rising from the couch as though it was suddenly on fire. 'Are you sure?'

'Yeah.' Kensi scoffed. 'You have to pick up dinner, though. That new pizza place just near my place?'

'I know which one.' Deeks swallowed. 'Oh, but Monty-'

'Bring him.' Kensi replied just as hastily. 'He's part of the family too, right?'

Deeks had no words after that.

He muttered something along the lines of saying he'd be right over, and hung up. He looked over at Monty, and the dog jumped off the couch. The excited dog made his way to a nearby chair to collect the leash in his mouth. Returning to Deeks, Monty wagged his tail and gripped the leash eagerly.

Chuckling, Deeks rushed about the room to gather anything he might need. He led Monty to the car, and got in. Deeks sat there for a moment, his hands gripping the steering wheel, and could not believe the amount of joy swelling inside him. He didn't want to give his fortune a chance to change, so Deeks turned the key and drove to the pizza place. He thought he was just lucky that Kensi had nothing to do tonight either, until Deeks learned she'd placed their dinner order days ago to make sure they got exactly what they wanted by the time they were ready to eat.

It wasn't a spur-of-the-moment request – she'd planned this with every intention to include him in those plans.

Sitting in his car again, warning Monty not to eat the food, Deeks couldn't move. Kensi hadn't just called him up knowing he'd be sitting on his own – she'd cleared her schedule, and put off seeing her mother until the next day, just so she could spend Christmas Eve with him. She'd invited him over to celebrate the festive night with her not out of pity or obligation – but because Kensi wanted to have him there with her.

For that night, Deeks had somewhere to go where he was wanted and welcomed. It felt like a dream, and Deeks hoped to never wake up again.

He was finally welcome somewhere – with her.

* * *

Kensi paced her kitchen, where she frowned and stressed about her decision.

She'd tried to ask him over for weeks, yet hadn't managed to get up the nerve. Gunfights with bad guys had been much easier, and far less complicated. She was used to putting her life on the line, spurred on by adrenaline and the need for justice, but when it came to matters of the heart – Kensi immediately ducked for cover.

With his behaviour earlier that night, Kensi almost resolved herself to spending Christmas Eve alone, again.

She'd called him anyway, if only for her stubbornness not to give up on and call it quits. Kensi Blye was not a quitter, nor did she surrender a battle she could win. Kensi didn't understand why she couldn't just let it go, and take his hints to be left alone. She'd kept picturing the way he'd retreated from everyone during the party, or the tone his voice took on whenever he wished someone a Merry Christmas without any expectation of having one for himself.

When Kensi called him, she knew it was the right thing to do. Kensi knew she had to push him this time, regarding his deflated mood and the way he'd pulled away from her, or else Kensi was going to regret it. When he'd asked where else he had to go that night, other than his home, Kensi heard the emotion in his tone and everything else made complete sense to her. Sadness filled her first, at the thought of how all her other team mates had chatted about the celebrations they'd be having, while Deeks secretly expected none. She was then annoyed at herself for not noticing the reasons earlier, having the nerve to ask him before it got to that point...And, finally, Kensi remained fiercely determined.

All her previous doubts and fears had faded, giving her the courage and certainty she'd lacked all week regarding her plans to spend Christmas Eve with the person she wanted to share it with the most. That thought had terrified her at first, but Kensi wasn't going to back down now she'd made up her mind. A part of her wondered if it was her mind who had chosen, or if her heart had more of a say in the decision than she wanted to admit.

A knock at her door startled Kensi from her pacing.

She steeled herself, and marched to answer the door. Peering through the curtain out of habit, she allowed a bright smile to fill her expression when she observed her visitors. Pulling the door wide open, she bent to greet an enthusiastic Monty – he tried to slobber her face, while his tail wagged frantically in pure joy to see her.

'Hey.' Deeks said, when she stood again.

He held the pizza box in front of him like a lifeline. Deeks watched anxiously for any shift in her expression to indicate she'd changed or mind or he'd somehow read too much into her request.

'Hey.' Kensi returned, and stepped aside to let then in. 'You want a beer?'

'Uh, yeah.' Deeks nodded.

He glanced around, unsure, and Kensi wondered why he seemed so nervous. She noticed how out of place he must feel, and it oddly calmed her. She wasn't the only one who was nervous, though for different reasons.

Kensi walked to the fridge for the beer, taking her time to allow Deeks a moment to straighten his expression and raise his guards. When she returned, to sit beside him on her couch, and offered a beer, Kensi was surprised to see he continued to express the same vulnerability he'd exposed in the doorway upon arrival. His posture was different, so Kensi knew he was aware of the insecurities he allowed her to see, and it only confused her further.

It made her anxious, because her guards were up and her face masked the truth depth of her intentions. Realising her aloofness was probably unfairly causing higher doubts to run through his mind, Kensi slowly sighed and relaxed a little. She met his oceanic gaze, and bit her lip to show him the moment was meaningful – she hadn't just asked him over like any other night in the past. This was special, though Kensi wasn't entirely certain of the extent of reasoning behind it.

All she knew was how she wanted him beside her tonight.

Deeks watched her, feeling his nervous energy alter when she let him see the emotions in her gaze for a moment. She hastily turned to grab the remote, flipping through the channels on the television in search of a movie for them to watch. The take-out dinner, beers, and bad TV was all the same as numerous times before – and yet, equally, it wasn't at all the same. It was new, different, and far more significant than Deeks had prepared himself for on the drive there.

Monty whined, and hopped up to join them, preferring to sit beside Kensi. Deeks tried to joke about his dog playing favourites, which Kensi smiled at, though his banter wasn't as light-hearted as it could be.

Kensi acted as if she hadn't noticed, to which Deeks was thankful for.

Kensi tucked her legs underneath her, as she lifted a large slice of pizza from the box and savoured the taste. She glanced at Deeks, who was already on his second bite, and smiled shyly. Looking to the TV, with no awareness of what she was seeing, Kensi considered how to ask him. Wanting to have him over for dinner, and a movie, on Christmas Eve was not the full extent of what she'd spent a week trying to say. Yet, even with Deeks comfortably seated beside her, to join in with the mocking of the Christmas film playing on the screen across the room, Kensi struggled.

He was there with her now - half of her wish was already complete, but the second part was more than a simple request. It would involve saying unspoken things she always kept to herself, and sharing weaknesses Kensi didn't want to admit she had. It would mean putting her heart in the line of fire. It would change things in a way Kensi wasn't sure they were ready for.

Feeling a warm breath against her leg, Kensi glanced down at Monty with a fond smile. He watched her, in an oddly knowing way, and she could only chuckle at the intensity of the dog's gaze.

'What?' Deeks glanced over, having finished his last piece of pizza, when he heard her chuckle.

'Nothing.' Kensi smiled, turning to look at him. 'It's just – does Monty know something we don't?'

'Probably.' Deeks shrugged, looking around her to see the expression on his dog's face. 'I'm sure there's a lot of things he knows, but doesn't say.'

Kensi's smile dropped slightly at his words, catching the double meaning.

Deeks stared back at her, his gaze just as intense as Monty's, then he turned back to the television. She bit her lip again, and unfolded her legs from underneath her to cause movement to disguise the way she shifted closer to his side. If Deeks noticed, he didn't show it. Monty, however, was not pleased and also moved to rejoin her side. He wanted to be close to her, in a way similar to Deeks' own desires – though Deeks didn't act on his, in fear of overstepping.

He didn't want to ruin the moment, at any cost.

Deeks was welcomed somewhere, just as he'd always wanted, yet the warmth of it all was still slightly out of his reach. He had what he'd wanted, but Deeks felt greedy – he wanted more of the closeness, the connection, and overall acceptance. He longed to wrap his arms around her, press his face to her hair, and feel the warmth of her embrace.

'Deeks.' Kensi spoke quietly, as the movie credits rolled up the screen. 'About tonight-'

'Right.' Deeks said, his mood crushing into the pit of his stomach once again.

It was over too fast, and he felt the coldness creep into his form once again at the dread of having to leave.

'I'll just-'

'No, no – wait!' Kensi grabbed his wrist, when Deeks rose to get rid of the pizza box and empty beer bottles.

He'd intended to clean up before taking his leave, and she cursed to herself for implying that was what she'd wanted. Her grip on his wrist did not waver when he halted, prompting him to look over at her with a perplexed expression. She saw the pools of emotions in his eyes – the hope, uncertainty, and fear. Her heart pounded an extra beat, and her breath felt lighter than air, in realisation that perhaps she wasn't about to put her heart into a path of destruction at all. Maybe she was meant to be excited by the prospect of a new adventure entwined with mystery and potential, rather than frightened of a broken path leading to further heartbreak?

Kensi tried to believe that, but her past experiences and anxious doubts would not rest. Optimism regarding her heart and emotions wasn't familiar, nor practised, but Kensi was determined this time. She wanted to emerge from the stainless steel tunnel of her protective walls, to be surrounded by endless space of opportunity and the bright shine of happiness. Maybe it was the festive time of year that riddled her brain with new sensations of hope and spirit, though she only had a basically-decorated tree in one corner and a string of tinsel draped over her television. Either way, it was harder to let her shields fall into place. Instead, the profoundness of his vulnerably blue gaze tore down her barriers - from it emerged an emotional strength Kensi hadn't realised she could ever tap into when it was needed most.

'I want you to stay.' Kensi revealed.

She averted her gaze, as she slipped her hand from his wrist to weave it with the other resting over her lap. Kensi was aware of him sinking back into place beside her, but she couldn't meet his gaze again in fear of drowning in its depth.

'I invited you here tonight because I...' Kensi swallowed, and forced out the words she'd so carefully guarded within her heart for a long time. 'I want you to stay tonight.'

Images of waking on Christmas day, all alone, flashed through her mind to remind her of all the years since her father's death that she'd longed for a warmth she no longer had.

Kensi promised herself this year would be different, that this time she'd take the necessary risks to make Christmas special again. She wanted someone who was going to stay - not just for a few hours, but right through until morning. It was exactly what Jack hadn't done, and as she smiled upon hearing Deeks' breath hitch slightly beside her, Kensi knew Deeks would understand.

'I don't want to spend another Christmas Day waking up to an empty bed and cold room.' Kensi admitted.

The dam of truth had broken, and now her raw words flooded into a world capable of destroying them. She'd always wanted to say them, but too many reasons not to had built the walls stronger – until now.

'Why me?'

His question was so quiet, and sensitive, that Kensi had to meet his gaze.

His eyes were as watery as the ocean their colour resembled, though no tears fell. Kensi was shocked by the magnitude of impact her admittance had on him, and suddenly she felt a dampness in her own eyes as she realised something rather profound about the similarities they shared. Deeks and Kensi were opposites in so many ways, and yet their hearts could beat as if they were one – with the same previous abandonments, and longing for the fulfilling warmth of being with someone who loved back as equally as they received.

Perhaps he needed this as much as she did. Maybe, this Christmas, she wasn't the only one who'd had enough of the ice-land her heard had been dragged through on this particular night each year. It was time to change things. With a burst of determination, Kensi worried when the fear and reasoning, which often led to back away, were fading rather rapidly. She inched closer to him, and placed a hand on his wrist. This time the touch was gentle and unsure.

'Was it because they-'

'No.' Kensi instantly stopped his line of verbal thought.

She saw his insecurity, and knew Deeks was thinking of the other members of their team. He was trying to work out why, of all the options she'd had, she'd chosen him. Kensi hoped he'd understand without them, but knew it was the confirmation of her words he needed to hear in order to accept it.

'Even if Sam, Callen, Hetty, Nell, Eric, and everyone else in the whole world had no plans for tonight...' Kensi moved closer, wanting to make sure he believed her. 'I want you to stay, Deeks. I want you to stay because I...'

He swallowed, staring intently into her brown gaze, as Kensi struggled to find the words. She couldn't, however, as her heart once again reminded her of its prior injuries. All she'd said so far had been extremely difficult to say, though it needed to be said.

The rest, Kensi knew, she didn't need words for.

Hesitantly, Kensi cupped his face with her hands. He finally broke eye contact, as his blue gaze fleeted over her lips. Kensi felt her heartbeat thumping within her ribcage, almost like a drum-roll within herself. Her actions were slow and deliberate, giving him every possible chance to pull away. He didn't, and soon their lips met. The contact was as light as a cloud, though it was strong enough to spread a spark through each of them.

Deeks exhaled the breath he'd held, which tickled her face. No time felt to pass in that moment, until Kensi inhaled a sharp breath of uncertainty and moved to pull away. It had finally become too much – her heart was retreating, having used all her emotional strength to get them to that point.

'Kens...' Deeks whispered. In his yearning not to part, he instinctively moved towards her when she leaned back. He halted his actions, and opened his eyes - once again meeting hers.

He saw everything in that moment. Deeks was absolutely stunned - Kensi had never revealed so much to him all at once. Her emotions, desires, and everything in between, were portrayed to him through her solitary gaze. It lasted not even a minute, but Deeks finally understood what she was trying to tell him.

'Okay.' He told her, nodding with adoring conviction. 'I'll stay.'

Kensi breathed with relief, her shoulders losing their tensed posture, as she calmed and smiled.

'As long as I'm welcome, I'll stay.' Deeks added.

Kensi looked back at him, and saw the lingering sadness in his eyes.

She carefully, though quickly, moved towards him again. Her fingers curled around the collar of his shirt, as she used it to tug him closer. Their lips met with further expectation, and deeper passion, than before. They savoured the connection, until they regrettably parted for air. Kensi didn't pull away, though. She leaned in again, pecking his lips, as his eyes slowly opened. Kensi smiled widely at him, feeling a warmth shoot through her entire form.

'You've _always_ been welcome.' Kensi uttered. 'Always, Deeks. I just...It took me a while. But we're here _now_ - where we belong.'

It was a bold assumption, she knew, but it was founded by everything she'd come to realise in the moment she'd kissed him the second time. Loosely wrapping her arms around his neck, Kensi allowed him to pull her into a desperate embrace. It's what he'd been wanting to do since he'd arrived at her doorstep with pizza and Monty.

It's what he'd always needed, if he was at all honest with himself.

Her arms curling tighter around him, Deeks sank against the warmth of her body and affection. He pressed his face to her hair, kissing it softly, and didn't bother withholding the gasp of emotion washing through him. It was something meaningful and nice to most, the moment they experienced, but to Kensi and Deeks it was the whole world. It wasn't simply a confirmation of all the things they felt for the other, or a reassurance of not being as alone as they'd feared they would remain to be - it was everything they'd ever wanted, but each been too afraid to have.

To Kensi, it was someone who would be there in the morning when she woke up inhumanely early on Christmas Day. A person who loved her, and who would do anything for her – including remaining by her side no matter how hard things got. Deeks would stay, and not just for the night. He'd always stayed, Kensi realised, as she thought of lasers and the way he'd gripped her tight with no intention to ever let her go.

If ever he left her, Deeks always came back - every single time.

To Deeks, it was someone who truly wanted him there for all the important reasons. Not because he was the best option, but because to someone he cared about - he was the only option they wanted. Kensi said so herself – she had chosen him. She had enveloped him, and his heart, with the warmth of acceptance and love. Kensi invited him to dinner, and to her place for a movie, countless times in the past few years. She'd welcomed him, even if the day had been tough and draining. Kensi could have turned him away the few times he had shown up on her doorstep without prompting – she could have made a half-baked excuses to send him away, but she never did. It was hard for her to open up to anyone, Deeks knew, and yet she always opened her doors and arms to him.

Kensi wanted him in her life - she always had.

As they parted from another kiss, Deeks could no longer maintain their embrace. He tilted his head away from hers, and laughed. Kensi was startled and confused at first, until a smile spread over her lips as well. He reminded her of a goofy elf with his ridiculous grin and jolly glee. Nothing was funny about that moment; Deeks was simply so happy he had no other outlet for it other than to laugh.

In spite of herself, Kensi chuckled when she saw him and shook her head with disbelief. Only Deeks would conclude such a raw and touching moment with merry laughter. It raised the butterflies in her stomach, though Kensi distracted herself by switching off the television and checking the time.

Deeks quietened, as he watched her careful consideration of the suddenly late hour. With a smile still on his face, he stood and reached for her hand to pull Kensi to her feet. Deeks gave her a wink of his eye, and twisted his head towards her bedroom. Kensi watched him, uncertain of his initial intentions, then understood she had nothing to dread. They left Monty in the living room, where he was quite content to take over the couch as his bed. Deeks gave Kensi a playful tug, pulling her down onto the sheets and blankets with him, where he landed back-first onto the covers.

Kensi released a delightful laughed, of surprise rather than humour.

She allowed herself to crash against him in a manner similar, though less violent, to the day of the lasers. He brushed strands of hair from her face, staring adoringly up at her in the same way he had years ago. Kensi's mind formed those new connections now, enabling her to see how all they had between them wasn't at all different or new on that Christmas Eve night. It had been there before – every single bit of their thing. It always existed, slowly growing and developing over the years; waiting, until the time was right for them to finally see the true amount of the love between them.

'You're beautiful.' Deeks whispered, awe-struck by her happy face hovering over his.

'You're a pain.' Kensi rolled her eyes, smacking his shoulder without any harshness at all.

'That's not the vibe I was getting on the couch.' Deeks teased.

'Deeks, shut up.' Kensi grumbled, trying not to smile at his cheeky grin.

She leaned forward to kiss him again, and felt an additional spark from the contact of his arms encircling around her back to pull her closer. Her hands rose to comb through his hair, and as the passion began to intensify, Kensi was startled when he abruptly broke the contact.

'Hang on.' Deeks said, rolling gently to slide her onto the bed.

Kensi made a sound of surprise when he jumped up and left the room. Nothing about his tone, expression, or actions suggested he was running away - yet a sharp stab of rejection flitted through her. Kensi watched him leave, her eyebrows frowned with confusion and worry, until he came back with a bag she hadn't realised he'd brought with him.

'What-?'

'Shh.' Deeks interrupted, still grinning in a way she was starting to find irritating. He fished through the bag, then lifted out a red and white Santa hat. He pulled it over his head, and tossed one to her.

'Really?' Kensi stared at him, then gave the hat a crinkled expression. 'You interrupted..._that_, for _this_?'

'Put it on.' He encouraged.

'Deeks, I am _not_-'

'Put it on!' Deeks whined, chuckling at her stubborn displeasure at the idea of wearing such a silly hat. 'For me?'

'Ugh.' Kensi tugged the hat over her head, then winced when she felt something contact with her skull.

Pulling off the hat with unnecessary roughness, thinking he'd pranked her, Kensi felt a box drop onto her awaiting palm. The gold and red Christmas wrapping added to the mystery of the contents, and she could only stare at it.

'Open it.' Deeks said, dropping onto the bed beside her like a fidgeting kid on Christmas morning.

'It's Christmas Eve.' Kensi argued. 'We're supposed to wait.'

'It's after midnight.' Deeks countered. 'Technically, it _is _Christmas Day. C'mon, Kens, open it!'

'You're such a child.' Kensi scoffed, and tugged the paper off the box.

Its size and appearance made her nervous, as she remembered a similar shaped and weighted box Jack had once given her. Looking anxiously at Deeks, she saw his eased smile shining in every ounce of his gaze. He nodded to her, assuring her it wasn't a presumptuous gift with any level of expectation.

It was, quite simply, just a gift.

Exhaling, Kensi popped open the lid and gasped. It was a necklace with a silver chain, and at the end hung a letter "K" for her name. It was simple, though likely very expensive, and she loved it. Kensi lifted the object out of its box and admired it, wanting to wear it right away. She didn't, however, and replaced it back into its box with a sad sigh.

'I didn't get you anything.' Kensi admitted, downcast. 'I wanted to, but nothing was good enough.'

'But you did.' Deeks told her, pulling Kensi closer. 'The best gift of all.'

'What?' Kensi wondered.

'Your words.' Deeks said quietly, leaning to kiss the side of her jaw. 'It was worth the wait.'

He'd said it in basic terms, but Kensi knew what he meant. Deeks was thanking her for finally letting him see her entirely – for opening her heart to the chance, and the risk, of sharing her thoughts and feelings with him. He was thanking her for inviting him over on Christmas Eve, and for asking him to stay. Deeks was thanking her for everything she was, and everything they could be.

'How long have you had this?' Kensi wondered, looking at the box again. 'You didn't give it to me at the party?'

'I bought it a while ago.' Deeks shrugged, now avoiding her gaze.

He kissed her neck, sending shivers through her spine. It effectively distracted her from realising he'd probably held onto the gift for a while, unsure of when it was the right time to give it to her. It wasn't anything like shampoo or a book – the necklace had been carefully selected, and paid for with a sum of money well above the average_ "just friends"_ gift budget.

Kensi smiled, gripping the box tightly in her hand, to realise he had been waiting for her. He'd bought the gift and hung onto it, so full of hope, and wanting for more than just a partnership or friendship. It once again reminded her that Deeks had no intention to ever leave. If he was willing to wait years for this moment they now shared, than surely he would also be patient through any of her constant fears and flaws.

She detached from his loose embrace to put the box on her bedside table, shoving items aside onto the floor to make room for it. Deeks watched her, chuckling at her method of _"cleaning"_ space, and patiently waited for her to come back to him. When she did, Kensi glared at his amusement and tugged the Santa had over his eyes while using her free hand to toss her own hat onto the floor. Her actions did nothing to deter him, as Deeks merely discarded his hat, and watched her with continued gratitude.

Kensi sat down, biting her lip once more, then leaned to him.

The pair knew the sparks of desire could easily be soothed, as they lay in close proximity over the covers of the bed, but neither were thinking of that as they pulled the other close for another kiss. Some connections were easier, and more natural, than others – Kensi and Deeks, however, wanted to experience the night via the most difficult path to pave. They longed for the emotional connection that went far beyond any physical or mingled bond they could have formed that night. There would be plenty of time for those desires later, but right then they simply marvelled in how a dark and cold night of loneliness had become wonderfully warm and joyous.

It was what Christmas was supposed to be feel like, they knew.

The enlightening kisses, exploring hands over skin, and grateful smiles filled the next hour as they reunited on the bed after separate showers. Kensi switched off all the lights, except the ones sparkling in rainbow colours from the small tree she'd set up in the corner of the living room. Laying in bed, awaiting her return from the routine locking the doors and setting the alarms, Deeks watched the glittering of festive lights dancing across any surface he looked at.

Kensi climbed under the covers beside him, and let Deeks pull her closer. She rested her head against his chest, and sighed with a contentedness she had not experienced in a very long time. Closing their eyes, as they'd had a busy day and emotional night, the pair did not think it could get any more perfect than their embraced forms preparing to sleep.

'Promise you'll still be here when I wake up?' Kensi whispered so quietly he almost couldn't hear her, despite how close her face was to his.

'Of course.' Deeks smiled. 'I'll still be right here in the morning, Fern. And every morning you'll have me.'

Kensi shifted to lift her head, looking at him, though the Christmas lights still only made his face partially visible in the darkened bedroom.

'I want you to come with me tomorrow.' She confessed. 'To see my mother. I know she misses you too – she asks about you a lot. She'd be happy with the extra company. Will you join us, please? It's just lunch, and dinner, and maybe a few nights stay...' Kensi rambled.

'Are you sure?' Deeks felt his insecurities emerge again, although it was more out of habit than actual uncertainty this time. 'I wouldn't be intruding?'

'I wouldn't have asked if you were.' Kensi sighed, resting her head to his chest again. 'I want you to come.'

'Than I'll be there.' Deeks promised, kissing her head. 'I'll always be there, with you.'

'Good.' Kensi said sleepily. 'Because I'll always want you there, with me.'

No more words were spoken that night, as sleep overcame them.

The twinkle of the colourful Christmas glow continued on through the hours of the morning, even when the sun began to rise. The golden sunlight lit the bedroom, revealing how little the pair had moved from the other's embrace - even in their undisturbed slumber.

Kensi woke in a groggy state, firstly unaware of anything other than one single fact: it was Christmas morning. She kept her eyes closed, fearful and dreading, until something towards the end of the bed collided with her foot.

'Ugh, Monty!' Deeks exclaimed, as his face was assaulted by doggy slobbers.

Kensi opened her eyes, and smiled, as relief flooded her senses. She turned to look at him, not feeling any ounce of cold when he pulled away from her to defend his face from Monty's drooling attack. When the dog was satisfied with kissing Deeks awake, as his own way of wishing his master a Merry Christmas, the canine turned to Kensi.

She, however, was prepared and snatched her unused pillow from the other side of the bed to cover her face.

Monty whined, and scratched at the pillow, until Deeks sent him back to the living room. Strong hands grabbed the fluffy barrier away from her face, replacing it with a string of kisses trailing down her jaw. Kensi squirmed, then merely gave in to his affectionate early-morning greeting.

'Merry Christmas, Kens.' Deeks said softly, offering her another of his dazzling smiles.

'Merry Christmas, Marty.' Kensi returned, smiling at the quirk of surprise in his expression. 'Are you going to let me go now?' She huffed when he didn't move.

'No.' Deeks shook his head confidently, planting a lingering kiss on her lips, as he felt the continued flow of joy and love spread through them. He leaned closer to give her a short peck, then rolled onto his side to wrap his arms properly around her. Kensi allowed it, and moved to comfortably snuggle against him.

She was glad he too had no desire to get up yet, despite it being Christmas Day.

'This is exactly where I belong.' Deeks concluded, kissing her again. 'Right here, with you.'

* * *

**Author's Notes:** Thank you for reading my Christmas one-shot! I hope you liked it, and please take the time to send me some feedback via a review. Once again, _Merry Christma_s everyone!


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